17122011 .

This is so pathetic.

I'm officially Miss EmoFace for th day *_*

I just cannot stop finding flaws and little stuffs to annoy th shit outta myself.

It might be me, or my evil twin sister or my inner self conscience or that i'm just plain sick of myself now.

Have been hanging out w/ my dearest childhood friend for 2 days str8 since i arrived KL.

it was awesome, really.

but it also makes me sick of myself for being who i was for th past years.

i mean,

i do deserve to have some fun instead of making sure i hit that CGPA,

or being that good daughter & sibling that i'm very much expected to be.

I've never get along well* w/ alcohol.

i get drunk so easily, sometimes too easily in fact.

Hence,

i had to ask babe's friend to stop th car at somewhere and throw up.

and we went back to their apartment and th guys had their 2nd round.

while us girls just had our girl talk :)

However.

we had this random conversation out of nowhere,

that i think i somehow had ignited th fire :\

I swear i was just tryin' to help.

i had to drink like one third of th alcohol be4 i get to ask each question.

its like a rule or sth but i think it was all worth it.

atleast i get them to have this very sensitive conversation &,

i'm keeping my fingers crossed for it to work by improving their relationship.

I got teary a lil' when we talked bout family stuff.

i wouldn't say it was a coincidence to have this person that i don't really know about to have this exact same feeling w/ mine towards our family issue,

cuz its nth good to be single-parented anyway.

but it really just reminds me a lot about how i actually miss my daddykins deep down beneath.

it was like buried so deep under and it was really fragile that even one single fingertip touch was all it takes to make me emotional & irrational.

It was really painful to like talk about it or listen to anyth that is related to it.

eventho its been years since but sometimes,

i still very much wanna be Daddy's girl that i used to be.

i don't wanna be forced to grow up and learn to 'survive' in this so-called society.

i just want someone to be reliable enuf for me.

unfortunately there aren't any, at all.

Sometimes,

i guess people tend to forget that th girl who's there for everyone needs someone to be there for her too.

Babe and I reminisce bout our high school life & have some heart-to-heart talk.

it was neither embarrassing nor awkward.

it was just really a heartfelt moment.

:')

I only went back to Fish's place around 8 in th morning.

I can't believe we actually spent th whole night having alcohol, playing some stupid game that i alwys lost & ended up drinking & talking that much.

but 1 thing for sure,

i know eventho its been so long since babe & i last met,

but i still really find myself to be th childish girl during high school,

still being protective & all.

:)

And eventho how strongly i've denied what they said about 'my issue',

when i come to think of it now,

i guess they're right afterall.

i shouldn't care and just let it go.

afterall,

i'm not some backup girlf that needs to be there evrytime he looks back.

what if th other way round when i need him to be there?

and i'm definitely not anyone's babysitter.

so don't find me only when you're lonely, sad, emo or stuffs likethat.

i'll try to be a good friend if you don't go over th board tho.

signing off and i'm gonna continue sulking.

atleast be4 dinner w/ my lovelies lt8r tonight.

:)